How's Jiu-Jitsu going?

It's been about two months since I started training, and I still feel awkward as I’m working on the movements. I feel like I'm getting a little more confident, but I'm still hesitant. When I’m not sure of myself, I hesitate. I don't pull the choke as tight as I need to. I don't reach far enough on the under hook.

I don't go after it.

While I'm trying to get more confident, I'm also telling myself to slow down.

On the other hand, it seems like Jiu-Jitsu is suited for that issue.

There's no hurry. Focus on the movement. Get used to it. Get the feeling. Think about what your hands and feet, arms and legs are doing. Get comfortable with how it feels.

It shouldn't be too much effort, it should be slow and consistent.

I didn't start doing this to chase belts and stripes. I didn't do this to start competing.

I did this to be a beginner, to show up, and to do a new thing over a period of time to see if I could get better at something completely outside of any realm of experience I've had.

It's to hang with a group of people I would never talk to in real life.

I've noticed something: it's becoming a habit. It's becoming part of the routine.

When I started out, I told myself, "Just go to the next class." After that, I said, "Just go for one week." Then I said, "Just go for one month."

Now, I don't have to convince myself.

I expect I'll go to class three times each week.

The expectation is important because it means training Jiu-Jitsu is becoming part of who I am.

When I started going to a gym and working out 12 years ago, it wasn't natural. It wasn't something I used to do. It wasn't part of who I was. I wasn't a gym person. I had never been a gym person.

But I kept showing up. Over time, I became better at lifting weights and working out.

Now, if you ask me what I do in my free time, I say, "I work out."

It's a part of my identity.

Today, I don't tell people that I train Jiu-Jitsu. I'll talk about it if other people bring it up, but I'm not walking around talking about it with people who don't roll.

I may never talk to people about it. Of course, here I am writing about it, but that's not because I want the world to know. I'm writing and sharing because I've done other things in my life where I look back and wish I would've chronicled the journey.

Someday, I'll feel confident enough to say, "I train Jiu-Jitsu."

Until then, I'll just keep showing up.