I got promoted to blue belt last week.

I have mixed feelings about it.

On one hand, I feel like it shows I have consistently shown up to class for more than a year. It's an indication of dedication, and not a reflection of my actual jiu jitsu skills. If you subscribe to the idea that showing up and working hard on a consistent basis makes you better at something, then I should be really happy about getting my blue belt.

I am proud I got promoted.

At the same time, there is an even greater feeling of Imposter Syndrome going through my head. I assumed I was eventually going to be promoted. I started questioning if I was worthy of being promoted.

Do I have the skills to justify the blue belt. I still get passed, tapped, and beaten every class. Most times it's by people with higher belts, but sometimes I get beaten by other white belts. On the evening I got promoted, I told another blue belt, "I did a lot of tapping to get this belt."

After most classes, I question if I am going to keep doing this. Why do I keep humbling myself on the jiu jitsu mat?

But I have kept showing up. I do feel like I have gotten better in the past year, and I've read that my blue belt feelings are very common with other people. There are memes and sayings around becoming a blue belt, and that makes me feel like I'm not the only one who questions my jiu jitsu abilities.

My professor said, "A blue belt is a white belt who hasn't quit, yet." I like that way of thinking.

Getting promoted doesn't magically endow me with some knowledge I didn't have as a white belt. Over the past year, I've learned a lot, but it's only a fraction of what I need to know and much of what I’ve learned just doesn't get applied when I am rolling with other people.

Still, I know that if I stop now, I'm certain to stop getting better.

The thought of not progressing, no matter how slowly, hurts more than showing up to class every week and putting in the work to get better.